What Hurts the Most
by yaoinut
Summary: [OneShot][DeexRyo] What would happen if Dee wasnt able to defuse the bomb in the music room of Bikky's school that John Hale set up. Read to find. Set during vol. 4


A.N./This is my, over all, sixth fanfiction and my third FAKE fanfiction. Yes it is a song fic. The song I'm using is "What Hurts the Most" by Rascal Flatts. I really love this song so I thought I would use it. I hope you enjoy this fanfic. It is set during Volume 4 when Dee was trapped in Bikky's school with bombs all around set up by John hale or actually a few months after that. Read and Review

Warning: This maybe a tearjerker for some of you.

Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE or any of its character. I also do not own the song. I do own Rachel though. Rachel is my character and nobody can use her.

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It had been six months since Dee's death. Ryo still blamed himself for it. If only he had gone in the school to get Dee out but he didn't and now Dee was gone. Ryo sat on his bed watching the rain fall to the dirty streets below. He was slowly letting go. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks as he thought about what happened that day and how Dee was no longer with him. The apartment seemed empty. Bikky was a Carol's house most of the time and Ryo was alone. He didn't like being alone. He wished Dee was there with but he wasn't. Dee was gone._I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house_

_That don't bother me_

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

_I'm not afraid to cry every once in awhile_

_Even though goin' with you gone still upsets me_

_There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok_

_But not what gets me_

Ryo wiped the tears away from his eyes. He didn't know why it hurt so much that Dee was gone. The first few weeks after Dee died he couldn't eat or sleep much. He couldn't accept the fact that Dee was dead. Bikky was pretty bad off too but Carol helped him. Once Bikky was feeling better and accepted the fact that Dee was no longer around, he and Carol comforting Ryo and help him get through this but Ryo shut them out. He needed to deal with on his own.

After about two week of trying to cheer him up the two teens gave up and called his aunt. Aunt Elena came up and spent a few weeks with Ryo. She finally had gotten him to eat and sleep more. After about a month she left to go back home and left Ryo alone. Bikky spent most of his time at Carol's place. Ryo laid back in his bed and tried to sleep with little luck.

_What hurts the most _

_Was being so close_

_And having so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowin'_

_What could've been_

_And not see that lovin' you _

_Is what I was tryin to do_

Ryo was slacking off work. He couldn't keep focused. His mind kept trailing over the in empty desk that sat in his office. He hasn't been assigned a new partner yet. He remembered how Dee used to sit lazily in his chair at his desk and smoke a cigarette and groan and complain about all the paper work they had to do. He shook his head to clear his mind and tried to focus on his work. He stared at the paper in front of him but wasn't actually focusing on it.

His mind kept trailing back to how quite it was in the office without Dee there. He put his head down on his desk and sighed, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. There was a knock on the door and JJ wondered in to the office. "Ryo-sempai?" Ryo looked up and quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. "Yes JJ?"

"Are you alright Ryo?" JJ asked concerned.

"I'm fine JJ. Thank for asking." Ryo said

"Are you sure?" JJ wasn't convinced.

Ryo just looked at him then forced a small smile on his face. "Yes I'm sure." He knew he was lying. It was hard for him to smile. JJ seemed to buy it though.

_Its hard to deal with pain of losing you everywhere I go_

_But I'm doin it_

_It's hard to force that smile _

_When I see our old friends and I'm alone_

_Still harder getting up getting dressed_

_Livin with this regret but I know _

_If I could do this over_

_I would trade, give away_

_All the word that I saved in my heart_

_That I left unspoken_

JJ nodded. "Well the chief wanted me to give you this." JJ held out a manila folder. Ryo took it and opened it he looked at the file inside. "What is this?" He asked.

"It's the file from the last murder case we had. The chief wants you to go over it make sure everything it correct, report to him, then file it. He wants you to go home when you're done too."

Ryo looked up at him with a slightly confused. He glanced at the clock then back at JJ. "Go home? It's only five-thirty. My shifts not over."

"I think he wants you to get some rest. You have been tired lately. You have been slacking off in your work and you have been dozing off now and then." JJ commented.

"I haven't got much sleep lately." Ryo sighed

"You have been thinking about Dee haven't you?" JJ just stared at Ryo. Ryo nodded his head. "You really miss him?"

"I never got the chance to say goodbye. I never told him how much I cared about him. I never showed him how much he meant to me. He was everything to me. He would always make me feel safe.

He was something special. I miss seeing his smile. I miss the way he laughed. I miss him. Period. Why didn't I go into that building and get him? Why did he have to die? Why?" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he spoke. He buried his face in his hand and cried into them.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And havin so much to say_

_And watching you walk away _

_And never knowin' _

_What could've been_

_And not seein' that lovin' you_

_Is what I was tryin' to do _

JJ walked over and took Ryo in his arms. Ryo hugged JJ close to him and cried into his chest soaking his shirt. JJ rubbed small circle in his back. "Ryo. Dee wouldn't like you this."

Ryo stopped his crying and pulled from JJ and stared at him with a tear stained face confused. "What do you mean?"

"Dee wouldn't want you to be crying like this. He wouldn't want you to mourn him. He would want you to be happy, to move on with your life. He would want you to be strong. You need to be strong. He wouldn't want you to blame yourself for his death. It wasn't your fault. He is glad you didn't go into that school. He didn't want you to die. He wanted you to live you know why? Because he loved you.

He would want you keep going, to take care of Bikky. You need to be strong for Bikky. I know this doesn't sound right coming from me since I blamed you too but Ryo I was wrong. You weren't the cause of his death. John Hale was. He is to blame. Now he is behind bars paying the price for what he has done. Dee wants you to be happy Ryo. One day you will see him again."

Ryo looked down at the floor then back up at JJ. "Thanks JJ. But I don't know if I can move on." JJ sighed and nodded.

"I understand. Just think about what I said ok?" Ryo just stared at him for a minute then nodded. "Ok I will." JJ smiled the left leaving Ryo with his thoughts. Ryo sat at his desk staring at the file on his desk thinking about what JJ said. Was JJ right? He really missed Dee. He didn't know if he could move on yet. He sighed and opened the file and read over it.

_What hurts the most_

_Was being so close_

_And havin' so much to say_

_And watching you walk away_

_And never knowin'_

_What could've been_

_And not seein' that lovin' you_

_Is what I was trying to do_

After about thirty Ryo got his work done and exited the precinct. He went to his car and got in. He started the car and drove off but instead of going home he went to a little flower shop. He parked and got out and went in. he walked up to the front and forced a smile on his face for the woman behind the counter. "Hey Rachel."

Rachel smiled at him "Hey Randy. What can I get you today? The usual dozen roses?" Ryo nod his head. "Coming right up sir." Rachel retreated to the back room. Five minutes later she came out and had a bouquet of white roses wrapped up with a white bow tied around them in her hand.

"Here we are. That will be twenty dollars." Ryo paid her the money and took the roses. "You going to see Dee again?" Ryo nodded. "Tell him I said hi."

"I will Rachel. Bye." He waved and left the shop walking out to his car. He placed the roses in the passenger seat the started the car and drove off.

_Not seein that lovin you_

_Is what I tryin to do_

_Oooo, oooo, oooo-_

Ryo pulled up to a cemetery and stopped the car. He grabbed the roses and got out of the car. He walked into the cemetery and walked alone the rock path till he came to Dee's grave, which was underneath a big oak tree. He sat down a few inches away from the tombstone. "Hey Dee. It's me again. How have you been? I brought you some roses." Ryo put the roses on the ground in front of the tombstone.

"Dee, I had a talk with JJ and he told me to move on cause it was what you would want but I don't know if I can. I miss you too much. I miss hearing your voice. I miss seeing you handsome face. I miss hearing your laugh and the touch of your lips against mine. I know I sound corny but it's the truth.

JJ said you would want me to be happy but I don't know if I can without you. You were my happiness. I'm weak with out you." Ryo sighed as a few tears made there way down his cheeks. He wiped them away as a gentle breeze began to blow. He stared at the tombstone for a minute thinking.

"Dee I promise I gonna try to move on and stop mourning you. JJ is right you wouldn't want me to mourn your death. I promise I'm gonna to try and stop crying and be strong for Bikky. I'm gonna try to be happy. You know Dee there is one thing I never got to say to you that is the reason for my mourning. I never told that…I love you Dee. I always have. You where everything to me just like Bikky and Carol are. I'm gonna be strong for them Dee. I have to go now. I will see you again someday. I love you." Ryo got up and kissed the top of the tombstone and left the cemetery.

Dee stepped out from behind the tree and watched the car drive off into the distance. He smiled to himself and whispered "I love you too Ryo. We will meet again someday." With that he faded into the evening sun and was carried with the wind back to the afterlife were he could watch over Ryo and the kids until that day came when they would be together again.

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I hoped you enjoyed. Like I said this story just came to me. I know I mean for killing Dee. I'm sorry. I wont be so mean anymore. Please read and review. Thanx for reading. 


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